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Sign up for our newsletters Subscribe. I'm off this week. Some newer readers might've missed this column when it originally appeared—some of you who were still in grade school, Hamster in asshole, or amniotic sacs back in —so I'm rerunning it now because I still get questions about "gerbiling" on a daily basis. QWe Hamster in asshole having a little office debate about "gerbiling. Do all gay men do this? Does the animal get shoved up the anus with a toilet paper roll only to suffocate seconds later? Is it the scratching or the act of killing an animal that gets people off? Can't this cause serious damage? AEvery day, my mail contains at least three questions about "gerbiling. Clip and save this column, for I will never discuss gerbils again. To begin, I would like to make a controversial statement:. This statement is not controversial for the reasons one would hope: That would be uncalled for, because no one would suspect her of concealing a hedgehog. But being a gay man or Richard Gere in America means always having to reassure people that you don't have a gerbil Hamster in asshole your ass—at dinner parties, during family reunions, at funerals, on CNN, at passport control, wherever! For while gay men and, I assume, Richard Gere don't put gerbils in their asses, not a day goes by that someone—usually a straight year-old boy—doesn't try to shove one in, figuratively speaking. Hundreds of thousands of Wearing moms panties stories and women in this country, my fellow Americans, leave high school convinced that gay men put gerbils in their asses on Classical multivariate linear model semiregular basis. Unlike the denial of our hypothetical dinner party guest—the woman innocent of stuffing hedgehogs into her vagina—my denial of stuffing gerbils is necessitated by the accusation. If it were widely believed that women stuffed hedgehogs into their vaginas, then women would have to deny "hedgehogging. Gerbil stuffing is a sexual practice that straight teenage boys in general, and Howard Stern in particular, suspect gay men in general, and Richard Gere who is not gay in particular, of engaging in. It works like this: Hold a gerbil in your left hand. Using pliers with your right hand, rip off the gerbil's lower jaw. With the blunt side of the pliers, knock out the teeth in Hamster in asshole upper jaw. Pull all four of Fish for pond stocking trout legs off. Take a paper towel roll, Hamster in asshole it up, and insert it into your rectum. Tie a string to the gerbil's tail. Nudge the gerbil into the outside end of the paper towel roll. If for no other reason than to get away from the person who knocked its teeth out, the gerbil leglessly scampers up the wet paper towel roll. When the gerbil drops into the anal cavity, remove the wet paper towel roll, leaving the string you've tied to the gerbil's tail hanging out of your ass. The Hamster...

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Did you feel out of the loop? This subreddit is dedicated to helping you get up to speed with the recent trends and news. Submitters are reminded to search half a dozen times between the time they visit the sub and the time their post goes live. They don't need to be reminded again. We just ask that your questions follow Rule 2, and your answers follow Rule 3. Once you post a question and it's answered, please click the flair button under your post and change the flair to "Answered". Failure to follow these rules will result in posts or comments being removed, and may result in bans, the length of which to be determined by the nature of the infraction. Meta threads about OOTL itself should be asked via sending us a message in modmail. Otherwise meta threads may be removed. Unanswered What's the deal with hamsters and buttholes? What's the deal with hamsters and buttholes? Do people really put hamsters in their buttholes? How does that feel pleasurable? How does the hamster not die? How does one then go about removing said hamster if deceased? Can the hamster climb into your internal organs and eat you from inside like Alien? As far as I know, it started with the urban legend that the actor Richard Gere was admitted to the hospital because he'd put a gerbil in his rectum. This was a pretty popular joke around the Pretty Woman era. I believe the South Park episode and the Eminem line are referencing this. At some point perhaps gerbil just morphed into hamster due to the telephone game effect. The idea has been around much longer than Eminem or South Park, but I don't know where it originated. I'm at work, so can't really research this right now for fear of clicking the wrong link, but my understanding of is that it became part of pop-culture after an urban myth of Richard Gere doing that in the 80s. Found this with a quick search, seems to shed some light on the history. The first step, obviously, is to purchase the hamster. Try to get the most energetic one, you will understand the reasoning behind this later. Once you get him home, clip his nails. Now, you must dillute the detol in a bucket of water. This is to kill off any harmful infections that may be on the...

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The act of gerbiling, according to the Internet, is simple. In most instances, it involves a tube up the ass, followed by a gerbil up that tube. One might lure the gerbil up the tube with a piece of cheese, or, inversely, light a flame under the funnel to send the gerbil scurrying. I have seen more than few suggestions that drugs for the gerbil might also be helpful. For men, the burrowing of the gerbil stimulates the prostate gland, which can provoke spontaneous ejaculation. For women, there are options on where the gerbil can be introduced thanks to one porn video site, I can confirm this. But whatever the variants, the equipment at its most basic is: The concept is really not that hard to follow, even if its execution might generate other complications. More compelling than how it happens, though, is the question of how often. As this Urban Dictionary entry reminds us: So why does the endless fascination about gerbiling continue? Was there an Original Gerbil, an Original Gerbiler? The why and wherefores of gerbiling seem bottomless. This premise pretty much works in our case too; just substitute one rodent for another. In the film Blonde Crazy , a mobster by the name of Bert Harris played by James Cagney points a gun at his victim and says what is now a rather notorious line that, like our gerbiling story, seems to get tweaked with each retelling: The rat and old Joe in the closet: One story goes like this: In it, media critic Catherine Seipp mentions a TV weatherman from Wichita, Rick Segal, who was pressured into resigning from his job because of gerbiling rumors. Two local newscasters, both prominent in their cities. A rumor is always more salacious with someone famous attached. Speaking of the angel city, William Faulkner once described it with the following disdain: Sam Kinison milked it in his lead joke for the out-of-London music awards, which was broadcast to the largest audience then yet connected by satellite. Rumors of gerbil and mouse or hamster stuffing have been circulating since about ...

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Gerbilling , also known as gerbil stuffing or gerbil shooting is the sexual practice of inserting small live animals usually gerbils but also mice , hamsters , rats and various other rodents into the human rectum to obtain stimulation. Some variations of reports suggest that the rodent be covered in a psychoactive substance such as cocaine prior to being inserted. According to folklorist Jan Harold Brunvand , accounts of gerbilling were first recorded in and initially were said to involve a mouse and an unidentified man. In subsequent versions of the story, the animal was a gerbil and the story applied to several male celebrities. As of the mids, there were no reports in peer-reviewed medical literature describing gerbilling among the variety of rectal foreign objects removed from people's bodies. Mike Walker, a National Enquirer gossip columnist, spent months attempting to verify the gerbilling rumors about a celebrity. After much investigation, he was unable to find any evidence that a gerbilling incident ever happened: Dan Savage , a sex-advice columnist who frequently discusses unusual sexual practices, stated in that he has never received a first-hand or even a second-hand account of the practice. According to the editors of Snopes. A very prominent mention of gerbilling occurred on mainstream TV in the episode " The Death Camp of Tolerance ", the fourteenth episode of the sixth season of the American animated television series South Park , aired on Comedy Central in the United States on November 20, Finally promoted to teaching fourth graders, Mr. Garrison realizes that getting fired for being homosexual could allow him to sue the school for millions. He decides to perform outrageous sex acts in the classroom, hiring his partner Mr. Slave as his teaching assistant. Though the children complain about Garrison's inappropriate activities, their parents...

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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. If you can't tell me your problem, it's going to be very difficult to provide a solution. We'll have to go through all the solutions, one at a time. Have you tried stopping, dropping and rolling? What you'll need to do is drive the adrenaline shot through the breastplate, directly into the heart. Getty A halberd if you have the skill and time. You have no idea how big something like this is in the advice world. This is like stepping up to the advice plate with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth, with everything on the line, and you're facing the hugest pitcher that Soviet science can produce. I absolutely do not want to know how you got a gerbil in your ass. For the time being I'm going to assume that this was caused by a really powerful and unlikely explosion in a pet store. Please do not correct me. I can assure you that it won't be. I can also assure you that if you provide any more details about the haunted pet cemetery that is your social life, I will walk. Well, according to the experts, who, I cannot stress enough, are not me , the most fail-safe way to get a gerbil out of your ass is to go to the hospital, where you'll have all the benefits of professional doctors and professional lubricants. Obviously the big problem with hospitals is that they're full of documentation and judging eyes. You could honestly get arrested for this. Animal cruelty at least. OK, let's go for an even simpler solution. Now, for this to work, you'll have to pay very close attention to me. It is terrifyingly inconsistent...

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A Complete History Of Gerbiling So Far

Gerbilling, also known as gerbil stuffing or gerbil shooting is the sexual practice of inserting "Now see that gerbil, grab that tube/stick it up my butt/let that little rascal nibble on my asshole". A February episode of Family Feud featured a. Having a live rodent or small animal (usually a gerbil) and using some sort of tube, forcing the gerbil into ones asshole. No medical case has ever been recorded. Ever seen a hamster pull a poop from his butt? - Duration: Rebecca Long 15, views · Language: English; Location: United States. I need to buy a hamster, but what are your prices on lubrication?. An Asshole Hamster "Carmine" shows you around his crib.

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